The End of the World Sale!

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse –

get one free!

The dental wailing and gnashing

on the X Factor,

Dance me to the end of time

on Strictly –

there’s nothing wrong with everything

that a good calamity

won’t sort out.

We’ve been warned –

time and again –

floods, falls downstairs,

the bailiffs. We promise

to repent after this next

programme, the one in which

smirking girls in Sofia strip off

in front of their favourite

icons of the Madonna and Product.