Dear Julianne, thank you for your invitation to become my ****buddy, with no strings attached.

Dear Kim, thank you for the offer of joining you down south for a ****fest.

Dear Hilary, thank you for asking if I would like to **** you and **** your mother in a distant capital.

Dear M, thank you for the great price on some pills that, you infer, would aid me in ****ing you and your sister in Yate.

I am so lucky. All day I’ve been trying to make contact with myself, that stranger. No luck.

But now I am buoyed  feel properly popular. Julianne, Kim, Hilary, M; I will catch the next train. I am packing right now.

I am holding my breath just thinking about the look on Pope Francis’s face

when I tell him about what you said, and the way you stood when you said it.